Let’s talk Body Shame
I wrote this awhile ago and have been editing and editing to try and have the right things o say about this huge subject that has transformed the way I view myself, others, and my body. In the midst of this pandemic, living life in quarantine I have seen a lot of “get healthy” posts that encourage this spirit of guilt or shame in me. I have been inspired to post this blog that I started a few years ago about the connection between our bodies and shame and this is in complete correlation to our mental health. I want to focus my energy on my mental health right now and I believe as we experience Covid-19, it affects our mental and emotional health more than anything.
In America, it seems that bodies are a huge topic of conversation. There is always the latest health craze or workout that is going viral. Different sources of media celebrate celebrities for weight loss and call celebrities out for weight gain. There is the constant evaluation of ones body that can complicate how we view our own bodies. What comes to your mind when we talk about our bodies?
Shame is something that comes to my mind when talking about our bodies. Body shaming is the practice of making critical, potentially humiliating comments about a person’s body size or weight. This can be through direct forms like “too fat” or “too skinny” or passive forms like “you think you should be wearing that” or “ that’s not the most flattering with your body type”. Both forms can manifest themselves into your brain to think of your body negatively. To see your body not as beautiful or strong; to see your body as just a thing to hang clothes on; to never be content with your body because there will always be something to fix. Body shame can hold much more weight than we believe it can. Shame or guilt for not wanting to workout, eat “right”, or loose weight have been constant issues in my life and have made me feel judged and have affected my overall view of myself. Can you relate?
Body shame can bring its way into what we chose to wear and can be a source of insecurity when it comes to fashion.
At a young age, I was taught to cover my body at all times, to show others that "modest is hottest", that I must be respectful of the men in your life. That my body belongs to my future husband, that what you wear is a reflection of how you want to be perceived. As a female your body and what you wear are representations of who you attract, how you view yourself, and the respect you have for yourself. I am now starting to challenge that narrative in my own head.
The way I thought about my body was modeled by these ideas that are bodies are only sexual. Rather than the benefit of looking out for our bodies as whole beings that provide warmth, protection, a canvas for art, fuel, a way to get around, etc. The shame I felt for my body crept it’s way into how I felt about my skin and how I presented myself to the world.
I was told at a young age that I have to be more careful than others because of my breast size, which is larger than most. I constantly wore clothes that were baggy and oversized and constantly felt fat and which was associated with being unhealthy and not beautiful. I was told, “Well if you exercise and lose weight that’s the place you will lose it first”. I felt this need to cover myself if I felt fat or not look at myself in the mirror when I would experience these feelings that I wasn’t beautiful or that I couldn’t think of myself as hot.
All I wanted to do was hide the world from my body, I couldn't shake how self-conscious I felt about my body from simple comments.
Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash
My hope in sharing this is that you don’t live your life in this constant state of shaming or judging your body so harshly that it takes away from who you truly are.
You are more than a body and there are so many beautiful shapes and forms of what a healthy body image looks like.
This is not an easy topic discuss considering the difference of opinions on bodies and what healthy means and looks like. I believe we can start with viewing our bodies and other bodies under the light of beauty rather than under this light of judgment. This takes time I understand, it is not overnight that we can change decades of words, opinions, and shame.
“ When we realize that we are more than just our bodies, we can begin to let go to some of the pressures we place on them”
This is a little bit of my story and my experience as a woman and I am sure you have stories like this in your life where you have felt shame or discomfort with the way people look at you or perceive you. I know there are so many stories like this.
I’ve only just begun the conversation, there is so much more to say. Text me, DM me, or comment below, let’s start a conversation. The topic of body shame can bleed its way into so many issues with sexual harassment, toxic masculinity, and the female and male narratives (which you may see in later posts). Lets, together, help rewrite the narratives through uplifting others rather than shaming or judging.
What something small you can do right now?
Thankfully this is not a new term, for years people have been bringing awareness to this subject. Companies have been doing a better job getting different models of all shapes. There is still a lot of work to be done. One thing you can do tangibly, if you see something at a store that you feel shame about (the sizes, models, or layout) don’t feel like you have to keep that to yourself. Let someone know, change starts with speaking up about our true feelings.
If you are on social media there are a lot of accounts to follow and ways you can use your social media to help others, comment below if you know of any more accounts. Just to name one, Iweigh has been a huge impact for me, a movement started to weigh the sum of all your parts rather than just your body weight.We can also educate ourselves, on the terms or words that have a shaming affect towards ourselves and others.
Check out these resources to learn more, to relate to, and to just enjoy today while you #stayhome! Eat a pizza, eat some ice cream, and enjoy yourself.
RESOURCES
The Liturgist podcast on women by clicking on the button to the right ->Highlight the short story at 32:40.
My deeply caring friend, Dustin sat with me and talked with me about this blog, and you can hear more of this conversation through his podcast, STONECOLDJACKSON,
Follow @iwegh on instragram for everyday inspiration of people living out each day without shame. There is also a new podcast for this movement, check out iweigh where you get your podcasts.